You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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