You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize