Who did Billy Mays play for?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
