I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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