I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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