She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We need to get me chipped asap
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
