I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
