My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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