He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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