well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
