wakey wakey hands off snakey
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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