My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
