she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
