Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
