This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
