Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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