We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize