i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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