i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
