I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His nipple licking is glorious
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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