As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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