This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
