Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
