I only kidnapped one of them. chill
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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