$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
