So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
