Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
