I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
