respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
