weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
