I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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