my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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