remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize