How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
