Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
