it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
