The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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