I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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