when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
