3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
