I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
