Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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