Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
