I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
