Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
