Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize