proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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