Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
