and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
