how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
and you fell through a lawn chair
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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