rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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