He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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