I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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