I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
