so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize