Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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