I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
