why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
