like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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