apparently the secret to your success is patron
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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