So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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