I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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