A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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