Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
