I wish I could teleport
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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