so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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