He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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