I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize