Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize