I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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