Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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